Recently I have been struggling with the element and expectation of explaining.
I have recently got this space, really wrong on several occasions.
But it's so hard.
I decided to write an open letter to myself addressing my own frustrations about my shortcomings, but my disappointment in a culture, making this hard.

Dear World,

I hope this letter finds you well, as I sit here grappling with a feeling of disparity that has weighed heavily on my heart. Today, I write to you about an unspoken expectation that has become pervasive in our society—one that demands explanations yet fails to afford respect or understanding when those explanations are not forthcoming.

In this world we inhabit, it appears as though one's individuality often takes a backseat to the incessant need for justification.

I just struggle so much between, knowing I must and need to take accountability, which I need to do when I am at fault, and having to pander and cater to other people's insecurities sounding my choices.

For me, and I dear say the collective society, we find ourselves caught in a puzzling paradox where expressing our choices or decisions is not always enough; we are constantly expected to delve into meticulous explanations, defending the very essence of our lives.
But when we do we are oversharing.
We then become guilty of oversharing, and potentially harming others, who might not be able to receive all data and information.

Amidst this quest for understanding, it seems evident that society has lost touch with the essence of empathy and mutual respect. We have become absorbed in our own egos, forgetting that each person’s journey is unique, layered with complexities that cannot always be neatly summed up in words. While explanations can shed light and bridge gaps in comprehension, we must acknowledge that they are not always feasible, logical, or even necessary.

But somehow, we again collectively cater to this, over-explaining. If you don't you are not communicating enough, if you do you suddenly burden people. But again and again, we are subjected to this merry-go-round.

Sometimes, the weight we carry can be overwhelming, suffocating even. We cannot always articulate the intricacies of our emotions, the deep-rooted reasons behind our choices, or the turmoil that resides within us. In these moments, we long for compassion, patience, and support, rather than the doubts, judgments, or lack of trust that often materialize when our explanations fall short.

It is important to recognize that no one truly knows the breadth of another's experience. We are all inherently flawed, susceptible to moments of confusion, doubt, or simply the inability to articulate ourselves adequately. Therefore, it is crucial to foster a culture that values the honesty behind silence as much as it does comprehensive explanations.

Expectation is the death of another personal choice, and although we are also not exempt from the consequences of our actions, good or bad. However making people conform to "expectations" muddies the water of humanity, connection, empathy, and ownership of personal choice.

Let us begin by acknowledging that an absence of explanation doesn't equate to a lack of importance or consideration. Instead of imposing our own expectations onto others, let us embrace empathy and grace. Allow us to acknowledge that everyone's journey is unique, and that our own assumptions and judgments may hinder the understanding we seek.

Look at the fruits of their character and life, and if this does not align with us, then move on to those people, who are your tribe. Not everyone is your tribe and that's ok.

When someone cannot explain their reasons, if something happens unexpectedly, instead of dismissing them, let us pause and offer our support. Or maybe just give things time to work themselves out.
Sometimes, lending a listening ear, extending a kind gesture, simply showing solidarity, or waiting to see how something pans out, can be more impactful than any explanation given. By leaning into compassion, we can foster an environment that allows for growth, respect, and ultimately, a deeper mutual understanding.

So, Dear World, let us strive for empathy amidst the clamor of expectations. By cherishing one another's stories, and experiences, and even the difficulty in explaining them, we can cultivate a society fortified by respect, understanding, and the recognition that sometimes, a compassionate heart needs no explanation.

Yours sincerely,

A member of humanity,
( who works in the mental health realm, with more education on this subject than some and less than others. But is sitting here today still genuinely confused and still is missing the mark and lost here.)

“Remember this could be your butterfly moment” Topaz
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So, Hello......
I want to introduce myself.  My name is Emma, and I am a Life Coach; Also a Hope therapist, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Coach.

​My passion is to help and serve my community in the mental health field. I have a desire for everyone, and I want everyone to know they are worth something.

A very strong part of my heart is dedicated to Return Service Personnel due to Family and friends. The next area I love and care for deeply is Rural Mental health. My Family has nearly all worked on the land, so I have seen firsthand the stress this can bring to people. I don’t always have clients from these areas, but I work tirelessly to improve these spaces. Equally, being a rural coach, I see many different people, so my work is very diverse and rewarding. I help anyone, from housewives to farmers to those who live in busy high-rise buildings.

My calling is to help, and I help people from all over Australia, even maybe on a global scale.

My job is to be a space to hold the thoughts of others safely and help assist them in becoming the best versions of themselves. While showing them, they have value.

My work is about promoting self-worth, self-acceptance, and showing my clients that you can change. It just comes down to patterns and behaviors.
 
That aside, I feel like I must share my story as to why I became a Coach.



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I became a Life Coach after I had a mental breakdown and was struggling. I was suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Anxiety, and Depression. These led me to be suicidal after some really horrifying events when I was younger. I finally got the help I needed and found an amazing Psychologist who led me down the path of CBT, and encouraged me to start my journey of self-discovery and my best life.

She was a Godsend. I remember that first meeting with her, and I felt like I had hope again.
I went home and felt so much relief and lighter than I had in years.  I had not felt this way for such a long time, 

A little while down the track, when I was starting to get a bit better, I came across “The Happiness Project” – by Gretchen Rubin, which, if you have not read it, I would suggest reading it. This book is about Gretchen deciding to ask herself a question, “What do I want from life, anyway?” She answered, “I want to be happy.” Her book is about how she embarked on a project to be happier. It really opened my eyes, and I resonated so much with this book. I felt like I had no happiness. I had been nothing for such a long time.

So, I thought I would try to do my own happiness project.
Which I did, and I learned a lot.
Then I got stuck again.

I then read a book called - The Happiness Trap by Dr. Russ Harris, which explains why we can’t look to feel happy all the time due to life and all the circumstances it throws at us. Which is why I was struggling.
 
Down the track a bit more, I was given a book by a stranger called “Switch On Your Brain” by Dr Caroline Leaf.  Which was terrific; it changed my whole life.

At that time, I was pretty low again, not as low as before but really lost. I wanted to be happy again but could not work out how to be satisfied and work through life, as life is not a wish-granting factory all the time. But I had a few roadblocks, and I was missing something. I did not know how to stay happy.

Then after reading Caroline’s book, I started to learn more about my brain and how to do life better, constantly, which had been the missing piece of the puzzle. In all reality, I should have read her book first, then,  The Happiness Trap, then The Happiness Project, because that is the order I have found to become my model of care with my clients.

I discovered that......
"we need to aim to foster a life of contentment, practice gratitude, cultivate Joy, and have hope. Then the other emotions like happiness come along." The Butterfly Proposal - (my book).


I discovered that I like most people was a metaphoric butterfly. Hence the name. Because on my journey, I found a lot of comfort in how a butterfly becomes a butterfly. It was just like me. It went through darkness and pain to break through as a beautiful, unique vessel of value. All of the things I wished and slowly found.
I decided on the Proposal part of the name because that is all it is. My methods and coaching only transform people when they choose to take up the proposal. Because in the world of mental health and life in general, we have to decide to change. There is no magic pill, no magic wand; we always have to ultimately decide.
 
Outside of that, I came up with the name originally for my book, which then grew into the business and name.

One day I told one of my friends about my journey when I was a lot better, and they said knowing parts of my story. “You should write a book about your mental health journey, outside of the bit of help from the shrink you have mostly done it yourself.”  At that moment, I realized I wanted to not  just help others like what I had done; all my life. I wanted to be a Life Coach and specifically help others help themselves. Thus was born my passion for Life Coaching.  I wanted to do what that Psychologist had done for me. I wanted to give people hope. I wanted to touch people’s lives and show them that their lives mattered.


So, I did.

I set about on my studying career, as I call it. Became a Certified Life Coach with counseling flares on the piece of paper, which took me five years to achieve while working full-time. I was literally living on coffee, but I somehow got through it. Halfway through my Life Coaching study, I started to study CBT.  Then later, I came across more studies and embarked on the journey to become a certified Hope therapist. So, now I am both.

In this time, I wrote the book, as well. My book will one day be published, but that is another story for another day. I am just sitting on it. I have endeavored publishing outlets, but none of them feel right yet. I also found of recent, occasionally I go back to it and add little things and subtract things. As it is, it is back to being once again a, working progress. Where once I thought it was finished, it is now ongoing until further notice. Which is beautifully accurate to mental health and the better self-journey; it is never-ending.
However, one day my book will be ready.

So, stay tuned. It will be an excellent resource to help people.

Fast forward to now. This is what I do.
I live the life I only dreamed about. I have been blogging on my Instagram for a while, The Butterfly Proposal.  Now I have a website finally, and you will see my work helping people in both places. I just want to get as many resources and wisdom out into the world, not just Australia, but beyond these big blue skies, and help as many other people as possible.
 
All those years ago, that young blonde woman who had all these big dreams to change her life and then decide to try and help others: is slowly succeeding. My life now is dedicated to making a difference. I intend to use this blog to share what I have discovered along the way;  and what I am still learning to help others.

Outside of Life Coaching and Hope Therapy, I am also a wellness coach, which allows me to look after the whole person, from fitness right through to food choices.  Because mental health and living our best lives all overlap, and we are just a system of systems, so I really love holistically helping people.

Outside of all the Coaching, I am an artist and often use Art Therapy in my practice as a tool. I am actually in the middle of embarking on my art therapy studies. I live in Rural Australia, and I am a Christian. I have a wonderful family and an extraordinary partner named Tim. I enjoy writing and publish works on platforms frequently. I love horses, visiting the beach occasionally,  collecting life, and learning how to help others do the same. 

​So, that is me.. and my story. I look forward to sharing my heart with you and many resources and tools to help you endeavor down the path of your best life and self. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, as well.
Au Revoir, for now. 

Remember, it takes a toolbox to be our best selves; it is not just one thing that helps us; it is a collective of tools and the attitude to be better every day.